dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
