i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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