Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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