I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
