U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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