i think i have two assholes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
