so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
