12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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