i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
