We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
