...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
