Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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