This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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