well most of my day revolves around power hour
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
