we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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