He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You ruined the universe
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
