A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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