I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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