Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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