I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
