She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
