you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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