Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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