My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
