Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
True strength comes from lack of pants
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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