the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I want a musical about memes.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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