My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
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THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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