only you would photoshop your dick
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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