A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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