He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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