areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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