i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
