fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I want is dick and wine.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
