In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
