Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
