Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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