i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
