I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
