The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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