I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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