he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He felt like a one man threesome
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
