You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
