There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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