Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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