my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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