So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
