I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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