Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
