he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
