My room smells like vodka and shame
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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