All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was born a porn star she said
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
