My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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