i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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