Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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