Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
