Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
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Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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