we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
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They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
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We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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