if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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