I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
