omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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