she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
