After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
