Kiss
Puke
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
