people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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