A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
