I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
