So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
