never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
