Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
