That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
