i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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