i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
