WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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