IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
