I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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