is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
