Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
