my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My dick has a subreddit
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
