her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
