I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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