I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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