If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
