no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
