I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She needs sedatives and a leash
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
