My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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