ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
