at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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