Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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